A couple of things Glenn. Thanks for the context -- relevant yes to your writing as well as platforming here, which we are all connected through.
I see myself in your journey of choices in a couple of ways. While I'm not inclined to study the topic of social media per se, I have a teenage daughter. (For better or worse, I myself have been highly skeptical, and in effect disengaged from popular social media. This has mostly been grounded in my observations of humanity's overall social trajectory.)
The thing that was hardest with my daughter was the intersection of phone time and lying. She's never been so into social media, but she can watch her some youtube. And she plays games. So, the nature of her choices and the types of games and shows she was watching -- she was very reticent to let me monitor those. And of course, that only makes you more suspicious -- as it should. But it's also very normal developmentally for pre-teens especially to get a taste for lying, and the power it gives them, and to get out of whack in some way. Combine that with phones, which give kids potentially unfettered access to say yes where you would say no, and there's where a particularly sticky part of the phones-apps-games-socialmedia for kids equation becomes weighted against good parenting.
In retrospect, my proudest moment was discovering my daughter had created an account (on her computer, not phone) and was using a thing called character.ai (this was when it first came out). I confronted her with a hard "no". She was really mad, and my hunch was really right.
So I would say, now that you've given yourself and your son sufficient "pause", trust your instincts as a parent. Making a standard of willing and consistent communication will tell you much of what you need to know. And don't freak out about lying, if you are tempted. Remember it's normal developmentally and is actually a good "skill" (to know if/when others are lying) if you can hone it for good rather than evil lol.
As far as social media... i consider each platform like a bar. Definitely have to watch out for too much enjoyment of the imbibing part!
This is too real. I replaced the Instagram app with the Substack app, thinking that would be a slower, richer, more wholesome experience. But the addictive/compulsive aspects have turned out to feel more or less the same
It's this right here. This is what gets me every time. "The subtle but powerful tug to be seen, acknowledged, affirmed." Every time I publish something my sense of accomplishment, ability, and worth rises and falls with the feedback I get from this app.
Thank, Jeff. Yes, that is a powerful one for me. When I really step back from it, the idea that an algorithm of societal likes and engagement should have any real impact on my psychological well being... it just doesn't make any sense. And yet, it does what it does. Know this, without a doubt: you are worth so much more than any online metric could possibly represent.
Thanks for posting this. I’ve noticed the same patterns on Substack — while I love the community and content I’m spending more time here than I’d like. I’ll be curious to hear how it goes putting yourself on a schedule. I’ve been considering doing the same.
Enjoy the time with the people and things that bring you joy IRL!
Thank you, Allie. Yes, RL is worth it. Well, it's all RL. Noticing where I am feeling nudged vs. where I feel a sense of empowerment to decide the direction of my intention is important to protect. So far, it feels really good. Simply not having it on my phone sets a real boundary where it requires sitting down at my computer to engage, and that has significantly reduced the feeling of being pulled away from the moment out of habit.
Glenn, I’m in the same mindset. Trying to step back from my phone. It’s tough. I have a 9:00pm time to put my phone down. Last night it didn’t happen. Try again tonight!
Thanks, Franny. It's strange how magnetic that pull is. Jen has created a mechanism of simply charging her phone in another room at night, so that by the time she brushes her teeth and gets in bed, the phone is so far out of reach that it's too much trouble to get up and go get it. I think I might follow her lead on that idea.
A couple of things Glenn. Thanks for the context -- relevant yes to your writing as well as platforming here, which we are all connected through.
I see myself in your journey of choices in a couple of ways. While I'm not inclined to study the topic of social media per se, I have a teenage daughter. (For better or worse, I myself have been highly skeptical, and in effect disengaged from popular social media. This has mostly been grounded in my observations of humanity's overall social trajectory.)
The thing that was hardest with my daughter was the intersection of phone time and lying. She's never been so into social media, but she can watch her some youtube. And she plays games. So, the nature of her choices and the types of games and shows she was watching -- she was very reticent to let me monitor those. And of course, that only makes you more suspicious -- as it should. But it's also very normal developmentally for pre-teens especially to get a taste for lying, and the power it gives them, and to get out of whack in some way. Combine that with phones, which give kids potentially unfettered access to say yes where you would say no, and there's where a particularly sticky part of the phones-apps-games-socialmedia for kids equation becomes weighted against good parenting.
In retrospect, my proudest moment was discovering my daughter had created an account (on her computer, not phone) and was using a thing called character.ai (this was when it first came out). I confronted her with a hard "no". She was really mad, and my hunch was really right.
So I would say, now that you've given yourself and your son sufficient "pause", trust your instincts as a parent. Making a standard of willing and consistent communication will tell you much of what you need to know. And don't freak out about lying, if you are tempted. Remember it's normal developmentally and is actually a good "skill" (to know if/when others are lying) if you can hone it for good rather than evil lol.
As far as social media... i consider each platform like a bar. Definitely have to watch out for too much enjoyment of the imbibing part!
This is too real. I replaced the Instagram app with the Substack app, thinking that would be a slower, richer, more wholesome experience. But the addictive/compulsive aspects have turned out to feel more or less the same
Thanks for the note, Takim. I'm glad to know I'm not alone in that struggle. It's real. And worth paying attention to.
Your family will love you for it!
Thanks, Nicola. I hope you're right :) ... as long as they put up with me ;)
It's this right here. This is what gets me every time. "The subtle but powerful tug to be seen, acknowledged, affirmed." Every time I publish something my sense of accomplishment, ability, and worth rises and falls with the feedback I get from this app.
Thank, Jeff. Yes, that is a powerful one for me. When I really step back from it, the idea that an algorithm of societal likes and engagement should have any real impact on my psychological well being... it just doesn't make any sense. And yet, it does what it does. Know this, without a doubt: you are worth so much more than any online metric could possibly represent.
Thanks, man.
Thanks for posting this. I’ve noticed the same patterns on Substack — while I love the community and content I’m spending more time here than I’d like. I’ll be curious to hear how it goes putting yourself on a schedule. I’ve been considering doing the same.
Enjoy the time with the people and things that bring you joy IRL!
Thank you, Allie. Yes, RL is worth it. Well, it's all RL. Noticing where I am feeling nudged vs. where I feel a sense of empowerment to decide the direction of my intention is important to protect. So far, it feels really good. Simply not having it on my phone sets a real boundary where it requires sitting down at my computer to engage, and that has significantly reduced the feeling of being pulled away from the moment out of habit.
I’m so glad to hear it’s already feeling better <3
Glenn, I’m in the same mindset. Trying to step back from my phone. It’s tough. I have a 9:00pm time to put my phone down. Last night it didn’t happen. Try again tonight!
Love that you had Liam do his homework!
Thanks, Franny. It's strange how magnetic that pull is. Jen has created a mechanism of simply charging her phone in another room at night, so that by the time she brushes her teeth and gets in bed, the phone is so far out of reach that it's too much trouble to get up and go get it. I think I might follow her lead on that idea.